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In Which I Deny The Three Ideas I’ve Heard About Star Wars in the Past Few Months
Wedge
ssa_alexk


Becoming a college student can introduce you to many different things. The “bed by 11, up by 8” rule that you swore you’d keep to over the summer has been replaced by “fuck it, I’m going to bed at 4 even though I have a class at 8.” You’re surrounded by people who occasionally become drunken idiots (I personally don’t have much experience with the later, as I am against drinking, but I know for a fact that it wholeheartedly exists). Homework is usually done less than three hours before it is due, and you’ve eaten more slices of pizza in one week than you have during your entire senior year of high school.

 

Another thing that college does is introduce you to new ideas.

 

Being a geek, for me a good number of these new ideas have been based on completely random things, most of which are geeky. Since one of my many Areas of Expertise (TM) happens to be Star Wars, I feel the need to deny the ideas that I’ve heard over the past few months, all of which bothered me immensely during the conversation in which they took place.

 

 

Luke/Leia/Han Love Triangle

 

The title itself is incorrect. Seriously. There is theoretically a love triangle in A New Hope, and kind of a love triangle in Empire Strikes Back. However, if you didn’t know within about five seconds of their first interaction that Han/Leia was going to be the main couple, then you clearly haven’t seen enough movies.

 I accept the idea that people thought that there was a love triangle before Leia and Luke became siblings.

 What I don’t accept is the fact that people are so hung up on the two (2) kisses that Leia gives Luke. The first kiss was a light one on the cheek that was for luck. That one could even be slightly acceptable between siblings, so it does not count. As for the kiss in ESB, well, I’ll accept that that one isn’t really recommended between siblings. My issue is that A) they didn’t know that they were siblings, and B) the entire point of the kiss was to irritate Han. No, seriously. Watch the scene. Han makes a smartass comment. Leia glares at him. Leia grabs Luke, and kisses him. She glares at Han again, and then leaves. Note that before and after the kiss, her focus is on Han. She’s trying to deny the fact that she’s in love with him, because she knows that he knows, and that really bothers her.

 I had someone swear to me that Leia and Luke had a relationship (construe “relationship” however you want; remember that this is a college male). Let’s briefly discuss how that would’ve have been possible. Leia would have had to get together with Luke in between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi for that to be possible. So, basically, after the man that she loves is kidnapped by bounty hunters, while they’re searching for the man that she loves, she’s “cheating” on him. Yeah, that sounds likely.

 Plus, did you see the looks on their faces when they found out that they were siblings? I’m pretty sure that there would’ve been a bit of a Squick there had something actually happened.

 

Not that this probably makes Han any more comfortable.

 

The Prequels Don’t Exist

Episodes I-III are not good movies. In fact, they are pretty much far from it. The only time I rewatch any of them is when I’m bored and want to watch pointless fighting (while fastforwarding through the dialogue, of course). The romance between Padme and Anakin could have been done infinitely better, not to mention the fact that it could have been less creepy (II and III don’t have the creepiness, until you think back to I and realize that she’s basically falling in love with someone who should’ve ended up as a little-brother-figure). I could go on for many, many sentences about what was wrong with Padme/Anakin, but that’s for a different post.

 

Hint: it involves him STRANGLING HER.

 

The problem with believing that the prequels don’t exist is that, no matter how bad they are, they’re still important to the storytelling of the overall film series. Yes, the midichlorians are ridiculous. Yes, Jar Jar is stupid. Yes, Anakin is a whiny jerk. However, you really can’t deny three canonical movies that are a vital part of explaining how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader. We can try all that we want, but in the end we really can’t.

 

Cracked.com’s “5 Movie Romances That Won’t Last (According to Science)”

 Read the article here.

 Han and Leia are number 5 on this list, which is at least not as terrible as any other number. To sum up the relevant sections of the article: Han has no form of a career after Return of the Jedi; they literally have nothing to talk about other than war throughout the entire series; their relationship can only end in alcoholism and spousal abuse.

 

Pictured: Domestic Violence

 

As you’ve probably guessed, I take my ships seriously. This complaint, however, isn’t completely about my complete love of Han/Leia. I’m actually insulted on the behalf of the characters on this one. Why?

 In order for this to work, Han Solo, belligerent some of the time, arrogant most of the time, snarky all of the time, the man who said “I love you” in a way that made half of the female population of American die instantly, has to be a complete asshole. He has to stop being the loveable Jerk With A Heart Of Gold rogue that we know him as, and become a Jerkass.

 Also, Princess Leia Skywalker Organa Solo has to be weak enough to not only A) stay with an asshole but also B) not beat the crap out of Han when he’s being drunk and abusive. Because no matter how much of a badass Han is, he’s still a Badass Normal. He is in no way immune to the effects of Jedi wiping the floor with him. And Leia happens to be the twin of Luke Skywalker, the most awesome Jedi ever. At one point she even manages to disarm him in a lightsaber duel.

 It’s not only the fact that Leia would be perfectly capable of stopping Han if he were in a drunken rage. She has a spine of steel, standing up to people like: Tarkin, the man who is literally holding a gun on her planet; Darth Vader, who tortures her and is definitely fine with killing her (if he had seen ROTJ he might have had second thoughts on the latter); Jabba the Hutt, who is just creepy; a “walking carpet” twice her size who could easily rip her apart if so inclined. I know that the basic pathology of an abuse victim is “I can fix him” or “he didn’t mean it,” but there’s no way that Leia would willingly put up with an abusive husband, even if she were in love with him.

 One of the main problems with the argument is that it assumes that the war is over after Return of the Jedi. It’s not. However canon you think the Expanded Universe is (I take the main continuity as canon), you can’t possibly believe that blowing up one space station would completely destroy an entire empire. Ironically, in the New Jedi Order series, Han does basically downspiral into alcoholism following the death of Chewbacca, and he basically walks away from his marriage to Leia. Fortunately (well not really, but the idea is there), Leia gets herself tortured by the Yuuzhan Vong, helping Han get over his issues. Note the distinct lack of abuse and/or a completely bullshit marriage.

 

Their pure awesomeness probably helps them along.



Please note that at this point I've pretty much given up on NaNoWriMo. Just so you know.

 

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I think that everything in Empire Strikes Back made it pretty clear that Leia was in love with Han. I remember listening to the commentary, and during the "Let go." "Don't get excited." scene, one of the guys said, "You know she loves him. I mean, it's obvious to everyone."

It made me laugh. And agree wholeheartedly.

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